So I met someone, a nice boy (B) unexpectedly, I was 14 and still drinking etc. He like spending time with me and liked me for me, I didn’t do anything sexually – this was different. We hung out, went to the cinema, watched movies had chips and behaved Like kids.
We grew close and began exploring each other’s bodies and when we did have sex it was as if it was my first time. Completely different to all the other times, it was loving and meant something. He was my best friend. We did everything together.
We had been together for 12 months and I remeber being really Ill vomiting and been off school for about a week. B came to see me every night after school he was a year older than me. I was 15 at this time, things were going good, I was happy and doing well at school.
Mum took me to the Doctors’s thinking I had a bug, the doctor took me to a private room and asked if could be pregnant! I said no way and told her I hadn’t had sex before. I remember feeling embarrassed, shocked and as if I had just been kicked in the stomach.
That night I told B what had happened, I went back to school the next day and we met a friends house afterwards to do a test. I remover waiting nervously by myself and then seeing the positive sign. I was 15, scared, confused and shocked.
Straight away B started looking through the telephone book to find out about who to speak to for an abortion. We hadn’t even discussed it, the decision was made for me, we couldn’t tell anyone and we just had to get the problem away.
I felt so ashamed and distanced myself from B. On a night I remember holding my tummy and talking to the baby growing inside me. I suffered with really bad sickness, my tummy grew and I found it hard to conceal it but I did, from everyone!
I went to my GP who told me I had to tell my parents and that as I was under 16 I needed parental consent for an abortion. However there was a loop hole, if I was of sound mind and mature the hospital may agree.
An appointment was made, I sat in front of 2 consultants and had to convince them I was grown up enough to go through this on my own. They looked down their noses at me, there was no sympathy just judgement. I was so ashamed. Somehow I did it and they booked me in on my 16th birthday.
My first appointment was to take 1 tablet and then return the next day for a second. Then this nightmare would be over.
I told my mum I was going shopping as it was my birthday but I got the bus alone to the hospital. I was scared but just wanted it to be over. That night I had friends over for a movie, takeaway and birthday cake. I was in agony and very sick – it was the worst birthday ever!
The next day I dressed for school kissed my mum goodbye. I went to my friends house, we told her mum (the mum from my first blog who didn’t do anything about her brothers friend). Her mum agreed not to tell anyone and she dropped me off at the front door of the hospital.
I was on my own, scared & in unimaginable pain. I cried the nurses came to check on me but ultimately I was on my own. The pain left once it was over, I remover crying looking at what had left my body.
I went home that night my family never suspected a thing – I didn’t sleep much I laid Cradling my tummy imagining what my baby would have looked like.
I went back to school the next day and carried on as if nothing had happened. I don’t think I have ever felt so alone, I had no one to talk too.
I distanced myself from B afterwards, I couldn’t stand being around him. I felt ashamed, damaged and resentful.
I went on & passed my GCSE’s but this had a significant impact on me & my life. I find it very hard to not be in control and I take care of myself, not relying anyone.
I can’t talk to my parents on a great level, I feel as if they don’t really know much about me. I feel sorry for them as they are good people and would be devastated to read any of this but I feel like I grew up alone.